I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
