Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
