so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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