My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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