his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I will be naked everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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