living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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