made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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