Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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