Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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