just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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