i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
