May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I puked off the balcony.
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.