I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis