my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
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No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
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Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.