my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
