An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize
