we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
