we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
How does one acquire holy water?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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