That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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