I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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