Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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