She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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