Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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