Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real