if only i could text you this smell
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.