I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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