And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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