It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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