we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
