Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
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Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
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I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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