if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
