areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
