Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
