she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
