I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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