no, he came in my armpit
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
