distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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