drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
BRING THE BAGELS
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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