I am in a vortex of obligation.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
