I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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