idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
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