What did we do last night that was yellow?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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