I heard we made out
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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