i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize