guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
