oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
