Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
mondays should just be called national damage control day
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
