she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
