the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
