Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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