i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you traded sex for a burrito?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
