wanna go halves on a baby?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
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I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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