My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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