I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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