I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
