Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
false alarm. still invincible.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
