dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
