i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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