I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize