I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
