dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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