A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old