Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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