ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
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and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"