we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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