I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
